Recipe: Mike Spoodles’ Super-Healthy Apple Crisp

Here is a recipe that I developed based upon a few recent experiments in the kitchen. The result is a cheap, easy, healthy, fast, and filling dessert.

MIKE SPOODLES’ SUPER-HEALTHY “APPLE CRISP”

INGREDIENTS

1 Granny Smith apple
1 1/2 Cup Wheaties
3 Tbsp. milk
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. Splenda

Microwave the apple much like you would “bake” a potato. Poke holes in it with a fork, and then loosely double-wrap the fruit in saran wrap. There is no need to core the apple, as the baking process will soften the entirety of the fruit. 5-7 minutes should do it.

Place the fruit in a blender or food processor. Add Splenda, milk (I used skim), and 1/2 Cup Wheaties. Blend briefly so that the mixture remains chunky but well-mixed. Don’t blend too much, or you will end up with baby food (which is still good, but fairly unnecessary).

Pour this mixture into a bowl. Stir in 1 cup Wheaties. Sprinkle cinnamon atop the “apple crisp.” Bon appetit!

Suggested serving: cover in 1/2 cup milk while still warm, and scarf it down while it’s still crunchy!

Look at the pictures! And you thought I was joking with the “Ugly Food” thing!

If you don’t want to use the Splenda–which may destroy your insides with its sweet chemical goodness–you can replace it with sugar, or replace the Wheaties with Frosted Flakes.

This “dessert” can also function as a breakfast. It’s essentially just a bowl of cereal with fruit and milk! A little creativity can turn your boring old whole-grain breakfast-of-champions into a special treat.

Nutrition Facts

Serving Size 240.2g

Amount Per Serving

Calories 293 Calories from Fat 12

% Daily Value*

Total Fat 1.3g 2%

Cholesterol 1mg 0%

Sodium 401mg 17%

Total Carbohydrates 67.2g 22%

Dietary Fiber 10.5g 42%

Protein 8.0g

Vitamin A 23% • Vitamin C 31% Calcium 13% • Iron 92%

* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Don’t eat the pictures

I have a tendancy of eating vicariously through my camera. As photography has become my A+ #1 hobby, and seeing as how this is my journal, I guess I will share some pictures that may make you drool!

(Fastnachts)

(Endangered Species 70% Dark Chocolate w/ Hazelnut Toffee)

(Green Marshmallow Peeps bunnies)

(Eggs, oranges, and Morningstar Farms sausage links)

(Marshmallow Peeps lollipop ring)

(Cadbury Creme Egg)

Egg white omelet on wrap, sealed with white-trash mustard

(Kashi GoLean mixed with Wheaties)

(Diet Pepsi)

(Boca Southwestern Breakfast Wrap)

(Pizza Hut)

(Valentine’s Day cakes)

(Endangered Species 70% Dark Chocolate with Espresso Beans)

(Mini Pizzas w/ vegetarian sausage, fresh fruit, and sugar-free Jell-O)

Will you teach me about this…what is it? A new way?

Welp.

For two-and-a-half years, I ate the same thing every day: Kashi GoLean, Wheaties, apples, Lite & Fit yogurt, Boca vegan burgers, broccoli, and protein shakes. I lost 120 pounds. I was maintaining with 1800 calories at about 180 pounds.

Two weeks ago, I added variety into my diet. I’ve upped my calories to 2000. I’ve actually managed to drop to 175 pounds since then, which is confusing and strange but not entirely unwelcome, I suppose. As long as people don’t tell me I look like a holocaust survivor or a cancer patient (again), I’ll be a-okay.

This journal entry isn’t about that anyway. It is about food! Glorious food!

It seems to me like I’m falling into the same ol’ obsessive-compulsive habits. I’ve introduced variety, but now I’m using the same staples every day. Rehydrated pinto beans. Fat-free cottage cheese. Egg whites. Frozen veggies. In fact, it seems like the only real variety I get is in my indulgence of the day–a serving of candy. Today it is green Marshmallow Peeps bunnies. Yesterday was 70% dark chocolate w/ raspberries from Endangered Species.

One of my biggest problems is laziness. There’s gotta be a calorie label on it. And why mix ingredients together into so-called “recipes?” I don’t want to have to figure out the calorie information for recipes. That’s silly. So I’ll eat my beans microwaved with some hot sauce. And my veggies will go unseasoned. Vive le freak!

That was more of a ramble than anything. I’m sure as I get back into writing, I will retain some of that “linear structure” that I learned so much about as an English major in college.

In conclusion, eating is a thing of great contrast. I hope you enjoyed my essay as much as I enjoyed stopping it.

Ugly Food For an Ugly Dude

If you’ve been reading my silly blogs, you’ll know the following:

In April of 2005 I weighed 300 pounds. By November I had dropped to 170. I had done it in a completely unhealthy way.

As a result, I ate the same exact thing EVERY DAY from November 2005 to February 2008 to avoid depriving myself of nutrients and calories ever again.

But not anymore. Oh, heavens no! I’m trying to introduce healthy variety so I can be happy (or at least so that my brain doesn’t explode).

Here’s some pictures of weird (and normal) foods I’ve been eating.
Kashi GoLean/Wheaties combo

Egg-white omelet w/ broccoli and Boca “meat”

Egg-white/chili powder omelet wrap (sealed w/ white-trash mustard) w/ dried asian pear

Panda-brand Licorice

Numbers

Rabbits have a life expectancy of 5 to 15 years. Rats are expected to live from 2 to 3 years before they die of old age. These animals are domesticated, kept in the safest of conditions; they have doctors that specialize in animal care; they are sustained by diets that are specifically tailored to the needs of their respective species. Still, they are given this margin or error. In the best of conditions and completely unaffected by disease, these animals can be cut down to as little as 33% of their lives through a process of random biological error.

Humans–of the American variety–have a life expectancy of 77 years. That’s an average. About 1/2 of us will die before we hit 77. Given the margin of error in our pets’ lives, we can postulate that natural causes can take us at any time. 33% of 77 is 25. 25 is less than 3 years away for me.

We generally take better care of pets than we do ourselves.

When I was in grades 1 through 12, I would come home from school and eat nonstop until bedtime. Unfathomable slabs of cheese. 1/2 a box of crackers. Snack cakes, 3 or 4 packs at a time. Slim Jims by the canister. The evidence–wrappers and such–all got hidden in various couch crevices and secret bedroom spots. By my 2nd year of college, I weighed over 300 pounds.

Then I decided to lose weight. The 1st step was to stop snacking between meals. Then I cut out meat. Started eating healthy. Exercising–going more than 5 miles a day. Then it got worse. I was down to 1200 calories a day. 1100. 1000. My 1st semester of my 3rd year in college, I ate between 800 and 900 calories a day. I dropped down to 170 pounds. That was a loss of 130 pounds in 5 months.

After some moderate intervention, I am on a healthy track. I eat approximately 2100 calories a day. In order to assure myself that I am getting the proper nutrition, I eat the same thing every day, and I have for the past 2 years. Scattered throughout the day, I eat 2 cups of Kashi GoLean cereal, 2 cups of Wheaties, 7 apples, 2 bags of frozen broccoli, 2 vegan Boca Burgers, 4 cups of yogurt, 1 protein shake, and 1 serving of fat-free candy. I also drink 7 bottles of water. I supplement my diet with 1 multivitamin and 1 B-complex.

It may not be the healthiest thing to lack variety, but it’s better than starving myself or gorging myself. I would say that I now consume a healthy, balanced diet. Kind of like the stuff you’d find in a pet’s bowl–all the kibbles and all the bits.

Of my prior 22 years on earth, I have done surprisingly little.

Did 1 thing I can say I am really proud of.
Did 5 things that, after years of reflection, I genuinely regret to this day.
Worked at 2 jobs.
Been in 1 country.
Dated 1 person for 4 months (nonconsecutive).
Been on 3 dates otherwise.
Published 0 poems.
Published 0 pieces of fiction.

Given the significant wear and tear that my body suffered for the 1st 21 years of my life, it’s safe to say that I will not be among the 50% that make it to 77 years of age. If change hasn’t suited me for the better, I may only make it to 33%. That’s 25 years of age. 790 days. November 6, 2009.

But who’s counting?