Archive for potatoes

Recipe: Mike Spoodles’ Super-Healthy Apple Crisp

Posted in baking, food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 16, 2008 by uglydudefood

Here is a recipe that I developed based upon a few recent experiments in the kitchen. The result is a cheap, easy, healthy, fast, and filling dessert.

MIKE SPOODLES’ SUPER-HEALTHY “APPLE CRISP”

INGREDIENTS

1 Granny Smith apple
1 1/2 Cup Wheaties
3 Tbsp. milk
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. Splenda

Microwave the apple much like you would “bake” a potato. Poke holes in it with a fork, and then loosely double-wrap the fruit in saran wrap. There is no need to core the apple, as the baking process will soften the entirety of the fruit. 5-7 minutes should do it.

Place the fruit in a blender or food processor. Add Splenda, milk (I used skim), and 1/2 Cup Wheaties. Blend briefly so that the mixture remains chunky but well-mixed. Don’t blend too much, or you will end up with baby food (which is still good, but fairly unnecessary).

Pour this mixture into a bowl. Stir in 1 cup Wheaties. Sprinkle cinnamon atop the “apple crisp.” Bon appetit!

Suggested serving: cover in 1/2 cup milk while still warm, and scarf it down while it’s still crunchy!

Look at the pictures! And you thought I was joking with the “Ugly Food” thing!

If you don’t want to use the Splenda–which may destroy your insides with its sweet chemical goodness–you can replace it with sugar, or replace the Wheaties with Frosted Flakes.

This “dessert” can also function as a breakfast. It’s essentially just a bowl of cereal with fruit and milk! A little creativity can turn your boring old whole-grain breakfast-of-champions into a special treat.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 240.2g
Amount Per Serving
Calories

293
Calories from Fat

12
% Daily Value*
Total Fat

1.3g
2%
Cholesterol

1mg
0%
Sodium

401mg
17%
Total Carbohydrates

67.2g
22%
Dietary Fiber

10.5g
42%
Protein

8.0g
Vitamin A 23% Vitamin C 31%
Calcium 13% Iron 92%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet
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My Pee Buddy ‘N’ Me

Posted in fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2007 by uglydudefood

Tubular Twizzlers Tweeterz, Terrance!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2007 by uglydudefood

I was at the grocery store the other day looking at the candy section and shaking my head. And why? Limited Edition candies, of course.

The candy companies have been releasing the things for years and years, of course, but slapping the words “Limited Edition” on them is a fairly recent phenomenon. We used to call it “test marketing to see if people will actually buy the new, shitty product.” Hershey’s Kisses come in any variety of flavors, for instance. Chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate, caramel filled, cream filled, peanut butter filled, cordial cherry filled, coconut cream filled, almond filled, dulce de leche filled, toffee filled, chocolate truffle filled, orange flavored, strawberry flavored, mint flavored. It’s fucking ridiculous. When I was a kid, we ate Hershey’s Kisses in one exciting flavor: milk chocolate. And you know what? Nobody ever once thought to say “this flavor is not good enough and I would like a wide variety of shitty flavors from which to choose.” There’s absolutely no reason for them to keep releasing more and more crap.

If they do, though, I have some suggestions that could make me very rich. Key Lime flavored Kisses. Flavor that bad boy with cinnamon! Hershey’s kisses filled with marshmallow! Or maybe a seasonal variant that is filled with pumpkin pie filling (or chunks of candy cane). Expand into the other varieties of nuts: pecans, peanuts, hazelnuts, whatever. Put pretzels in there, and potato chips. Hell, even cheese doodles. Crunchy cookies. Nougat. Whatever the hell it is that’s inside of a Butterfinger. Rice krispies, or any other cereal for that matter! Salt water taffy! Molasses! Maple syrup! Honey! All of your favorite jams and jellies! Oh, cheesecake! Fat people love cheesecake! Coffee beans (or at least coffee flavoring). You’ve already hit orange and strawberry: now go with banana. Pineapple! Grape! Get some mixed berries in there. Apple pie filling? Certainly! I think Hershey’s owns Twizzlers: start coating those things in Kisses. Licorice of any sort will do, really. I bet they could buy out Pop Rocks for surprisingly little. Throw ‘em in! Charms seemed to have some success with their Blow Pops. Maybe it’s time to stick some bubble gum in there (in a variety of flavors, of course). And why stop at that? Fill them with essential nutrients and put them next to the Flintstones vitamins on the shelf. Or put toothpaste in there and use them as an alternative to brushing your teeth. Or sell them in your grocer’s freezer with bits of precooked meat in there! Or eggs! And of course, with that comes the vegetarian alternatives: chocolate coated soy meat and the like. Can you imagine the possibilities? Chocolate isn’t enough for today’s consumer. They need to supplement it with some bizarre and off-the-wall filling that has no right being involved with a delicious sweet. I’d be rolling in the dough (which reminds me: cookie dough!) if I worked for Hershey’s corporation. I’m sure there are tons more! Those are just the ideas I came up with while I was waiting in line at the checkout. Give me more time, Hershey’s!

But really, that’s neither here nor there. I’m here to talk about Twizzlers’ seasonal variant, Twizzlers Tweeterz. My sample came from Easter 2006, so there is no guarantee that you’ll ever see these things on the shelves again. However, luck may be on your side as a Google Search turns up results for a Halloween package that includes orange and grape varieties.

Tweeterz are bits of Twizzlers-brand candy (I hesitate to say licorice because the only true licorice is the tasty black stuff). The bluebird on the package is wishing you a happy Easter, unaware that you’ll be eating its eggs well into the next year. In fact, by the time this review is posted, 2007’s Easter candy may already be on shelves.

FAST FOOD FACTS: Serving Size: 24 tweeterz. Calories: 130. Fat: 0g. These are entirely vegan.

The Easter version of Twizzlers Tweeterz come in three fruity flavors: cherry (red), strawberry (pink), and blue raspberry (blue). Chances are that you know exactly what two of the three of these taste like. Cherry and Strawberry are two of Twizzlers’ classic flavors. Blue raspberry tastes like neither blueberry (which is not raspberry) nor raspberry (which is not blue). It tastes almost exactly the same as its red cherry brethren. The candy coating adds absolutely nothing to the treat. If the shell is also fruit-flavored, I’m unable to tell. It’s almost certainly pure sugar, adding nothing but almost-sickening sweetness to the equation.

So what does that leave you with? Little bits of Twizzlers. I wouldn’t pick these up if I were you, because Twizzlers are best enjoyed in whip form.