Archive for the food Category

Adventures in Cultural Misappropriation: Kazakhstan

Posted in adventures in cultural misappropriation, baking, food, kazakhstan, recipes with tags on June 30, 2018 by uglydudefood

Recipe in this post: chak chak

We expected it to happen eventually, and here we are. We were unable to find a good meat-free recipe for Kazakhstan. Pretty much everything had horse meat or sheep heads. Some article says, “the only people that eat more meat than Kazakhs are wolves.”

I don’t find anything reprehensible about the idea of eating horse, by the way, or at least not any worse than eating cow or duck or pig or something. When in Kazakhstan, meat as the Kazakhs meat. But eating meat makes me sad, so we moved on. My Wife was grossed out by looking at animal heads anyway.

So we did dessert. Chak chak is described in the recipe as “the Rice Krispie treat of Kazakhstan.” It’s homemade egg noodles, fried in butter and then drenched in a hot honey glaze and hardened.

I also made some honey-free ones for my honey-averse brother with corn syrup. I call them “the Rice Krispie treat of Kazakhstan of America.”

It was okay. Neither version really stuck together well, and they were super sticky. The noodles did not get super crispy, just either “hard soggy” or “crunchy burnt.” That’s probably my fault.

Kind of makes me wonder why they just don’t make delicious Rice Krispie treats in Kazakhstan. Also wish I had just turned my noodles into some delicious pasta.

I give chak chak my fifth highest rating: “very nice.” Wine pairing: Diet Mt. Dew.

Advertisements

Adventures in Cultural Misappropriation: Albania

Posted in adventures in cultural misappropriation, albania, baking, food, recipes with tags , , , , on June 16, 2018 by uglydudefood

In this post:

Byrek

Turli perimesh (recipe 7 at link)

Albanian walnut cake

The CULINARY ADVENTURE took us to Europe. Albania. I don’t know where in Europe it is, shut up.

The first thing I made was byrek, which I guess can be made in a lot of different varieties, but this one is cheddar and spinach. A bunch of that type stuff in phyllo dough.

byrek and turli perimesh

From previous recipes I’ve done, I learned that puff pastry and phyllo are super insanely hard to make, and homemade isn’t any better than store bought, so don’t waste the time. Thanks Dorie!

It was real easy, and I’m definitely gonna make it again with the other half of my phrozen fyllo dough.

The turli perimesh is Albanian mixed vegetables. I used green pepper, potato, zucchini, and eggplant. It cooked down to stewlike consistency and I’m tempted to think that I may have overcooked it. Regardless, this meal receives my highest rating: GOOD AS HELL. Suggested wine pairing: Diet Mt. Dew.

The walnut cake was really good, too. Basically a simple cake batter with toasted walnuts mixed in, and then soaked in a lemon sugar glaze and baked again for ten minutes. Nice and moist. Reminded me a lot of a zucchini bread or something similar, even though the only fruit was lemon juice in the glaze.

Albania, u have earned ur place on earth’s map. Bless.

The next country we picked was very challenging from a vegetarian standpoint. See u then, buttz.

Adventures in Cultural Misappropriation: The Bahamas

Posted in adventures in cultural misappropriation, baking, food, the bahamas with tags , , , , on June 9, 2018 by uglydudefood

In this post: Bahamian Mac and Cheese

Johnnycakes

Bahamian rum cake

I was excited when the random country generator picked the Bahamas, mainly because I misread it as THE BAHA MEN.

come on everybody, sing along, u know the words!

Difficult to pick fishes from this area. That was a genuine phone typo for “dishes,” but a happy accident, because everything in the effing Bahamas is seafood. So ladies and gentlemen, here is the vegetarian option from the Bahamen!

Bahamian mac and cheese is basically mac and cheese with some veggies chopped into it, and then cooked until you can slice it into bricks. I made the mistake of saying “WELL THIS DOESNT SEEM VERY CULTURALLY RELEVANT” and getting hit across the head by Rachel, who does all of the research on this stuff. Anyway, doubt it all you want: Bahamian macaroni and cheese isn’t just the title some schmo gave on a Cooks dot com recipe, but also something with a cultural tie to the Bahamas as evidenced by Tru Bahamian Food Tours Dot Com! English traditions filtering into the island nations etc etc.

I’m pleased to announce that it’s good as hell!

As a side dish, johnny cakes! Best known in America for that mention in one episode of the Simpsons, these are very simple, and very similar to biscuits in both ingredients and technique. Cold chopped butter, a little hand kneading, and baking. A bit sweeter than biscuits, and cooked as a big block (although certainly these could be portioned before baking).

Ugly by design, works for me

I could have baked these a little longer. I didn’t want them to get too dry, but the middle part had a thin band of doughy/gummy undercooked stuff in the middle. Still tasted great.

So this is the meal, you shits. Bahamian mac and cheese and Bahamian johnny cakes. Suggested wine pairing: Diet Mt. Dew.

For dessert, Bahamian rum cake! I don’t drink, so this recipe caused me to go into the liquor store and feel like a naughty little boy. I usually keep rum in the baking cabinet (I use, like, a tablespoon or two over the holidays every year in pies), but this cake calls for like two cups and a designated driver. Twenty dollars for a bottle of rum!!!! The extra large soda I grabbed at Sheetz while I was out was a buck twenty nine, and it had more liquid!

I’m going to steal a term from those creepy internet pizza blogger assholes: here is the “upskirt.” Gross!

Anyway, it’s a rum-flavored bundt cake with a strong butter rum glaze. It was real good. I took the rest into work but probably ate most of it myself anyway.

As you can see, my running headphones are pink and my counters need a wipedown.

In conclusion, the Bahamen is a country of something.

Rachel is really enjoying learning about all of the countries and making a traveling list. I’m really enjoying making and eating food. My kid is really enjoying Mickey Mouse these days.

Next up: another country I wouldn’t be able to find on a map. Thanks for stopping by, dickwads!

Tuesdays With Dorie Old School – FLAN FLAN FLAN

Posted in food on March 20, 2012 by uglydudefood

I’ve never been the biggest flan fan, and that’s because every place that I’ve ever been to that serves flan also serves something called “fried ice cream supreme.” Supreme! Why bother with flan?

This flan was pretty good. The custard is simple (eggs, sugar, vanilla, milk, cream, vanilla). The whole thing is quick to throw together. Best of all, there is some fun baking science here – you put the caramel (which hardens immediately) in the custard cup first, and then the egg mix. Then you bake it, cool it, and flip it upside down, and somehow you have that magic caramel liquid goodness that’s always on top of flan. I always just assumed there was some sweaty guy in the back of the restaurant with a bucket full of caramel. THE CARAMEL IS A SPECIAL PART OF THE FLAN.

Flan.

Flan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flanFlan flan flan flan FLAN flan Flan flan flan.

Tuesdays With Dorie Old School – Brioche Raisin Snails

Posted in food on March 13, 2012 by uglydudefood

These snails were scrumptious, and the brioche came out better than the golden brioche loaves although as you may be able to tell, they were a bit overdone. The rum raisins turned out good, and the pastry cream was smooth as advertised.

Tuesdays With Dorie – Russian Grandma’s Apple Pie-Cake or Something

Posted in food on March 6, 2012 by uglydudefood

The recipe called for “decorating sugar” and I had red and green sugar from Christmas cookies. Therefore: red!

This is pretty okay. I prefer apple pie and apple cake, but this is a tasty thing on its own.

Tuesdays With Dorie – Snickery Squares should be easy

Posted in food on February 28, 2012 by uglydudefood

These are Dorie’s Snickery Squares, which is about as close as Dorie can get to calling something “Snickers” and without infringing on a copyright. Shortbread base, dulce de leche and caramelized peanuts in the center, and dark chocolate on top.

I apologize for the picture – if I remember to take a picture of the actual cut, layered bar, I’ll edit this post later.

The recipe calls for store-bought dulce de leche, but alas! I am from Pennsylvania. I made my own dulce de leche. The first technique I tried was a microwave technique, but I ended up with a huge mess. The second, successful technique was a four-hour process, but it did the job. I had to poke holes in a can of sweetened condensed milk and then boil the thing, thereby condensing it further into what I can only assume is a valid representation of dulce de leche.

The rest is pretty straightforward. Shortbread on the bottom. Caramelizing some nuts. Glazing the thing in chocolate and letting it set to solid. The nicest thing is that I learned how to make delicious, delicious dulce de leche. The rest is just yumminess.

I had four personal days that I had to burn off at work this week – I am taking the opportunity to play Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, and it is very, very good.

Just a few months out from finishing this cookbook. Also, I’ll be changing soon to a standard WordPress blog to avoid further server expenses. I will likely retain uglydudefood.com, but there will likely be some cosmetic changes around here that I won’t be able to change as the site reverts to one of WordPress’ free templates.

In the meantime, here is my homemade dulce de leche, as well as my nuts.