The Jalapeño Menace: You’ve Got to Weigh It Out

Ladies and gentleladies, I present to you the Pros and Cons of eating an entire cup of Jalapeño Peppers.

PROS

1. You will look cool to that one guy who said, “It would be really cool to eat a cup of jalapeño peppers.”* (*This may not actually occur)

CONS

1. Mouth pain.
2. Tongue pain.
3. Throat pain.
4. Esophagus pain.
5. Stomach pain.
6. Bloating (attributed to an overindulgence in sodium).
7. Small intestine pain.
8. Large intestine [colon] pain.
9. Burps that burn.
10. Farts that burn.
11. Poops that burn.
12. Anus that burn(s).
13. Looking stupid in front of all your buds.
14. Nasty pepperbreath (ladies beware).
15. Death (potential)

Now that you know what you are in for, you can make an educated decision on whether or not to eat a cup full of jalapeño peppers. Stay tuned for our next exciting installment: “When is eating eleven Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies a good idea?” Good evening, and good luck.