Archive for hershey’s

Loco for choco

Posted in food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 13, 2008 by uglydudefood

I used to love milk chocolate. Then I went on a crazy, obsessive diet and cut all chocolate out of my life for a period of years. When I finally decided to return to the realm of the healthy and the sane, the typical Hershey’s bars (even the Special Dark which contains more milk and sugar than any good dark chocolate bar should) left me with a nasty, saccharine taste in my mouth.

One day I was wandering through the “health food” section of my grocery store–although really, how much healthier is “organic” macaroni and cheese compared to a blue box of Kraft Dinner?–and I passed a rack of chocolates I had never seen before. They all had weird numbers on them and they told me where they were from. What the what? I picked up a 55% dark chocolate Chocolove bar. It was exquisite. Instead of an overload of sugar or almost-artificial creaminess, there was depth to this candy. This candy had secrets.

I couldn’t get enough. As I continued on my journey, the percentages kept getting higher and higher. 70%. 80%. My life changed the moment I put a chunk of Endangered Species 88% dark chocolate in my gob.

But there was a problem.

The numbers stopped going up. My grocery store didn’t carry any chocolate darker than that 88% bar. I wanted more! More complexity! Would I live my life forever chasing the dragon, trying to relive my first 88% cacao experience?

Not if the baking aisle had anything to say about it. I marched right up to the unsweetened baking chocolate rack–which, in hindsight, probably looked pretty silly–and I grabbed a bar of Hershey’s finest 100% chocolate. It had to be good, right? I mean, my experience has done nothing to discourage the belief that higher cacao percentage equals higher deliciousness percentage.

Mistake.

I guess this post is meant to say that I love dark chocolate. I love dark chocolate ever so much. In fact, I may be the only living proof of going retarded over chocolate that you’ll ever actually see.

Amano Artisan Chocolate produces some of the most wonderful, complicated dark chocolate flavors out there.   I was lucky enough to receive over $21 worth of their chocolate for free from BlakeMakes.

Via Amano’s website:  “In a world of mass-produced merchandise, Amano strives to return to chocolate’s roots by making the chocolate slowly and in very small batches while concentrating on developing the finest flavors possible. There is much fine chocolate made throughout the world. Each company or artisan has its own unique vision. We hope that you will share Amano’s vision of quality without compromise.”

Due to the fact that this is probably the most expensive chocolate I’ll ever eat, I feel like I need more ceremony than just chomping on the bar.  Any suggestions on what to do with some really, really good dark chocolate?  Should I use it to bake something? Share it with work friends and gauge reactions in some sort of faux-wine-tasting?  Or should I just chomp on it?

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Tubular Twizzlers Tweeterz, Terrance!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2007 by uglydudefood

I was at the grocery store the other day looking at the candy section and shaking my head. And why? Limited Edition candies, of course.

The candy companies have been releasing the things for years and years, of course, but slapping the words “Limited Edition” on them is a fairly recent phenomenon. We used to call it “test marketing to see if people will actually buy the new, shitty product.” Hershey’s Kisses come in any variety of flavors, for instance. Chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate, caramel filled, cream filled, peanut butter filled, cordial cherry filled, coconut cream filled, almond filled, dulce de leche filled, toffee filled, chocolate truffle filled, orange flavored, strawberry flavored, mint flavored. It’s fucking ridiculous. When I was a kid, we ate Hershey’s Kisses in one exciting flavor: milk chocolate. And you know what? Nobody ever once thought to say “this flavor is not good enough and I would like a wide variety of shitty flavors from which to choose.” There’s absolutely no reason for them to keep releasing more and more crap.

If they do, though, I have some suggestions that could make me very rich. Key Lime flavored Kisses. Flavor that bad boy with cinnamon! Hershey’s kisses filled with marshmallow! Or maybe a seasonal variant that is filled with pumpkin pie filling (or chunks of candy cane). Expand into the other varieties of nuts: pecans, peanuts, hazelnuts, whatever. Put pretzels in there, and potato chips. Hell, even cheese doodles. Crunchy cookies. Nougat. Whatever the hell it is that’s inside of a Butterfinger. Rice krispies, or any other cereal for that matter! Salt water taffy! Molasses! Maple syrup! Honey! All of your favorite jams and jellies! Oh, cheesecake! Fat people love cheesecake! Coffee beans (or at least coffee flavoring). You’ve already hit orange and strawberry: now go with banana. Pineapple! Grape! Get some mixed berries in there. Apple pie filling? Certainly! I think Hershey’s owns Twizzlers: start coating those things in Kisses. Licorice of any sort will do, really. I bet they could buy out Pop Rocks for surprisingly little. Throw ‘em in! Charms seemed to have some success with their Blow Pops. Maybe it’s time to stick some bubble gum in there (in a variety of flavors, of course). And why stop at that? Fill them with essential nutrients and put them next to the Flintstones vitamins on the shelf. Or put toothpaste in there and use them as an alternative to brushing your teeth. Or sell them in your grocer’s freezer with bits of precooked meat in there! Or eggs! And of course, with that comes the vegetarian alternatives: chocolate coated soy meat and the like. Can you imagine the possibilities? Chocolate isn’t enough for today’s consumer. They need to supplement it with some bizarre and off-the-wall filling that has no right being involved with a delicious sweet. I’d be rolling in the dough (which reminds me: cookie dough!) if I worked for Hershey’s corporation. I’m sure there are tons more! Those are just the ideas I came up with while I was waiting in line at the checkout. Give me more time, Hershey’s!

But really, that’s neither here nor there. I’m here to talk about Twizzlers’ seasonal variant, Twizzlers Tweeterz. My sample came from Easter 2006, so there is no guarantee that you’ll ever see these things on the shelves again. However, luck may be on your side as a Google Search turns up results for a Halloween package that includes orange and grape varieties.

Tweeterz are bits of Twizzlers-brand candy (I hesitate to say licorice because the only true licorice is the tasty black stuff). The bluebird on the package is wishing you a happy Easter, unaware that you’ll be eating its eggs well into the next year. In fact, by the time this review is posted, 2007’s Easter candy may already be on shelves.

FAST FOOD FACTS: Serving Size: 24 tweeterz. Calories: 130. Fat: 0g. These are entirely vegan.

The Easter version of Twizzlers Tweeterz come in three fruity flavors: cherry (red), strawberry (pink), and blue raspberry (blue). Chances are that you know exactly what two of the three of these taste like. Cherry and Strawberry are two of Twizzlers’ classic flavors. Blue raspberry tastes like neither blueberry (which is not raspberry) nor raspberry (which is not blue). It tastes almost exactly the same as its red cherry brethren. The candy coating adds absolutely nothing to the treat. If the shell is also fruit-flavored, I’m unable to tell. It’s almost certainly pure sugar, adding nothing but almost-sickening sweetness to the equation.

So what does that leave you with? Little bits of Twizzlers. I wouldn’t pick these up if I were you, because Twizzlers are best enjoyed in whip form.

Self-Inflicted

Posted in fiction, food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2005 by uglydudefood