Archive for cookies

Tuesdays With Dorie – Granola Grabbers

Posted in baking, food, tuesdays with dorie with tags , , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2008 by uglydudefood


Well, let’s see here.  Today’s recipe was Granola Grabbers.  I followed the recipe to the letter, even making a last-minute run for coconut.

I plopped my cookies out onto the parchment-ed tray, and I stuck my trays in the oven.  Easy.  So easy.  And if the dough was any indication, these cookies were going to be damn good.

I had quite a bit of extra dough, and I began to toy with ideas.  EXPERIMENTATION!  It’s like I’m back in college again.

Experiment #1:  Microwaving.  I formed a ball of dough onto a microwave-safe plate, and I nuked it for thirty seconds.   Mistake.  The center was burnt to a smoking crisp, and the outside was still malformed, soft dough.  I tried to eat the whole thing, but after my first bite of burnt…well, it was trash time.

Experiment #2:  THE MONSTER COOKIE.  I was going to bake the rest of my dough into one big monster cookie.  This was destined for disaster, as I’d have no idea how to adjust temperature or baking time.

This experiment was not to be.  My first batch of cookies came out with burnt bottoms, and I was going to have to use the rest of the dough to make some edible food.  Bummmmmer!

I adjusted the baking time to eight minutes, and the cookies came out just fine.  So I had thirty burnt-ass cookies and ten decent ones.  I guess my plans to offload tons of cookies to girlfriend and work fell short.

If you divided your batch into the recommended number of cookies (40), here are your nutritional stats. PER COOKIE. Boy, this sure makes the eight burnt cookies I ate (had to save the rest of my family from such a grisly fate) that much more depressing.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 30.0g
Amount Per Serving
Calories

141
Calories from Fat

75
% Daily Value*
Total Fat

8.3g
13%
Saturated Fat

3.4g
17%
Cholesterol

15mg
5%
Sodium

49mg
2%
Total Carbohydrates

14.5g
5%
Dietary Fiber

1.5g
6%
Sugars

7.5g
Protein

2.9g
Vitamin A 3% Vitamin C 0%
Calcium 2% Iron 4%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation

Advertisements

St. Thomas Roasters

Posted in food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2007 by uglydudefood

WHAT?

I was going to go mini-golfing tonight, but apparently there was a torrential downpour. Instead, my friends and I went to a local coffeeshop and had delicious beverages. The java joint was called St. Thomas Roasters (Linglestown, PA).

My friend Theresa ordered the strawberry smoothie with whipped cream, and she said that it was “really good,” and that it “didn’t disappear right away.” There is your “review” part of this review.

I ordered a large coffee–my usual–with the intention of having decaf–my usual. However, one golden name beckoned to me from its shiny urn–“Snickerdoodle.”

Snickerdoodle-flavored coffee. Like the damn cookie.

Of course I had to have it. Screw the fact that I literally haven’t had any caffiene in about a year and a half. I had to have cookiecoffee and I had to have it then and there.

And you know what? It was okay. It tasted like somebody sprinkled a spoonful of cinnamon into their coffeepot, although I’m sure there was some insidious something inside of that beverage. It leads me to wonder what they put into the coffee to make it so scrumptious. Did I inadvertantly drink five thousand calories? Am I going to balloon back up to 300 pounds overnight? In bikini season?

So apparently caffiene has an effect on me now. It is currently almost four in the morning and I am wide awake, shirtless, and typing a blog on the American Online Internet Web.

Tubular Twizzlers Tweeterz, Terrance!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2007 by uglydudefood

I was at the grocery store the other day looking at the candy section and shaking my head. And why? Limited Edition candies, of course.

The candy companies have been releasing the things for years and years, of course, but slapping the words “Limited Edition” on them is a fairly recent phenomenon. We used to call it “test marketing to see if people will actually buy the new, shitty product.” Hershey’s Kisses come in any variety of flavors, for instance. Chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate, caramel filled, cream filled, peanut butter filled, cordial cherry filled, coconut cream filled, almond filled, dulce de leche filled, toffee filled, chocolate truffle filled, orange flavored, strawberry flavored, mint flavored. It’s fucking ridiculous. When I was a kid, we ate Hershey’s Kisses in one exciting flavor: milk chocolate. And you know what? Nobody ever once thought to say “this flavor is not good enough and I would like a wide variety of shitty flavors from which to choose.” There’s absolutely no reason for them to keep releasing more and more crap.

If they do, though, I have some suggestions that could make me very rich. Key Lime flavored Kisses. Flavor that bad boy with cinnamon! Hershey’s kisses filled with marshmallow! Or maybe a seasonal variant that is filled with pumpkin pie filling (or chunks of candy cane). Expand into the other varieties of nuts: pecans, peanuts, hazelnuts, whatever. Put pretzels in there, and potato chips. Hell, even cheese doodles. Crunchy cookies. Nougat. Whatever the hell it is that’s inside of a Butterfinger. Rice krispies, or any other cereal for that matter! Salt water taffy! Molasses! Maple syrup! Honey! All of your favorite jams and jellies! Oh, cheesecake! Fat people love cheesecake! Coffee beans (or at least coffee flavoring). You’ve already hit orange and strawberry: now go with banana. Pineapple! Grape! Get some mixed berries in there. Apple pie filling? Certainly! I think Hershey’s owns Twizzlers: start coating those things in Kisses. Licorice of any sort will do, really. I bet they could buy out Pop Rocks for surprisingly little. Throw ‘em in! Charms seemed to have some success with their Blow Pops. Maybe it’s time to stick some bubble gum in there (in a variety of flavors, of course). And why stop at that? Fill them with essential nutrients and put them next to the Flintstones vitamins on the shelf. Or put toothpaste in there and use them as an alternative to brushing your teeth. Or sell them in your grocer’s freezer with bits of precooked meat in there! Or eggs! And of course, with that comes the vegetarian alternatives: chocolate coated soy meat and the like. Can you imagine the possibilities? Chocolate isn’t enough for today’s consumer. They need to supplement it with some bizarre and off-the-wall filling that has no right being involved with a delicious sweet. I’d be rolling in the dough (which reminds me: cookie dough!) if I worked for Hershey’s corporation. I’m sure there are tons more! Those are just the ideas I came up with while I was waiting in line at the checkout. Give me more time, Hershey’s!

But really, that’s neither here nor there. I’m here to talk about Twizzlers’ seasonal variant, Twizzlers Tweeterz. My sample came from Easter 2006, so there is no guarantee that you’ll ever see these things on the shelves again. However, luck may be on your side as a Google Search turns up results for a Halloween package that includes orange and grape varieties.

Tweeterz are bits of Twizzlers-brand candy (I hesitate to say licorice because the only true licorice is the tasty black stuff). The bluebird on the package is wishing you a happy Easter, unaware that you’ll be eating its eggs well into the next year. In fact, by the time this review is posted, 2007’s Easter candy may already be on shelves.

FAST FOOD FACTS: Serving Size: 24 tweeterz. Calories: 130. Fat: 0g. These are entirely vegan.

The Easter version of Twizzlers Tweeterz come in three fruity flavors: cherry (red), strawberry (pink), and blue raspberry (blue). Chances are that you know exactly what two of the three of these taste like. Cherry and Strawberry are two of Twizzlers’ classic flavors. Blue raspberry tastes like neither blueberry (which is not raspberry) nor raspberry (which is not blue). It tastes almost exactly the same as its red cherry brethren. The candy coating adds absolutely nothing to the treat. If the shell is also fruit-flavored, I’m unable to tell. It’s almost certainly pure sugar, adding nothing but almost-sickening sweetness to the equation.

So what does that leave you with? Little bits of Twizzlers. I wouldn’t pick these up if I were you, because Twizzlers are best enjoyed in whip form.

My marzipan joy-joys!

Posted in food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2007 by uglydudefood

A shout-out to my Peeps

Posted in food with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 24, 2006 by uglydudefood

Yes, that’s right. That’s eight, count ’em, eight packages of virgin Marshmallow Peeps in FIVE DIFFERENT FLAVORS, just ripe for the plucking. Every pack-o’-Peeps has a story, and every story has a beginning. And an end. And creamy, marshmallow innards.

Note that I was originally going to have a charming picture of each Peeps package to go with the stories. However, apparently the only thing that eats AA batteries faster than my digital camera is toddlers, so this will have to do.

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Christmas Decorating Kit

In the beginning, there was the Christmas Decorating Kit. Don’t get me wrong-o. Everypeep and its crazy uncle were around before the Peeps Decorating Kits hit the shelves. However, this package is what started the whole Peep-hoarding experience. We can all thank the sometimes-saucy but ever-lovely Toni Grogan for this one. Toni Grogan, not to be confused with Tony Almeida (who eats terrorists for breakfast, and poops out Olympic gold medals at brunch), gave this package of scrumptious Peepage as a post-holiday gift. It may have been the single greatest gift I’ve ever received. Six, oversized Tree-shaped Peeps are included, as well as a tube of red Decorating Gel. The Decorating Kits for every season include multiple gel-colors, but even I am not that Peep-crazy. One pack’ll do. Decorate one for holiday fun!

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Cutouts (Holiday Cookie Flavored)

These Peeps have actually been in my possession longer than the aforementioned Decorating Kit. However, before Toni’s generosity overwhelmed me, I planned on eating these little Gingerbread-Cookie-shaped buggers. Donated to the Peeps Gallery by my mother, they sat in my apartment freezer over the winter break, next to a bag of green-apple Twizzlers and a bag of frozen broccoli. I mention this, because the Peeps package now has the distinct odor of rotten ass. This doesn’t make me want to eat them any less, mind you. I’ve sampled the Cookie-Dough Peep before, and it is nothing short of exquisite. The best Peep ever. Six Peeps are in the package–three men and three women. Makes a great stocking stuffer!

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Hearts: Strawberry Creme

Score one for the little guy. This is the first independently-sought piece in my collection. I bought these at the Harrisburg K-Mart when I was searching in vain for the new Star Wars action figures. Turns out that Valentine’s Day begins over a month early, and the racks are currently filled with chocolate roses, spermicidal lubricant, and lima-bean panties. It’s no Chewbacca WITH NEW ACTION CHAIN!!!!!!1 but it’ll do. I’ve never had the Strawberry flavor of Peep, but my desire to let all of my Peeps get stale and hard and tasty will prohibit that from happening for some time. Nine pink hearts to a pack, but it only takes one heart to be lonely. Mine. Get it? Because I’m single? Ladies? These hearts are Artificially Flavored, but my heart tastes like blood naturally.

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Hearts: Vanilla Creme

Immediately after I stopped moping about the last round of Valentine’s treats, this showed up on my bed. More tears of anguish. I’m not sure where this came from, exactly: I’d put money on my mom, who has been trying to fatten me up since the great Anorexia Scare of 2005. Little did she know, SHE MADE ME LONELY! Look! They’re little hearts! They are white! There are sprinkles of red all over them! There are nine in a pack! The Vanilla flavor is probably delicious but I’ll never know because I want them stale! HOW COULD SHE NOT KNOW THIS! Did I mention Marshmallow Peeps are a Fat-Free Candy?

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Cocoa Cats

How? How did I come across these two packages of Cocoa Cats when this particular species is over three months out of season? Well, I’ll tell you how. Media Play went out of business, and all of their Halloween goodies were on sale for 90% OFF. They had the Cocoa Cats, which taste exactly like the delicious scum on top of a mug of hot chocolate, and they had another little treat. There are eight cats in a package, and each one has delightful yellow eyes and a mustache. Don’t eat these if you can’t tolerate the lactose, baby! This artificial flavor contains milk!

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Halloween Decorating Kit

Well, I’m a bit stumped here. There’s hardly a story. I told you about the decorating kits in the first story, and I told you about my Media-Play-gasm in the previous story. Sure, I could tell you that there’s four Mondo-pumpkins in this package, or that you can Decorate One for Spooky Fun! However, I already told you that in the prior sentence. If I were to decorate these Halloween Peeps right now, I would probably make them into the New Kids on the Block. Joey was my favorite. He had dreamy eyes.

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS Hearts

There’s nothing special about these hearts. Sure, they are pink and heart-shaped like their more popular sisters the Vanilla-Creme and the Strawberry-Creme. However, unlike their kin, these hearts make me feel good about myself. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE LONELY TOO. They are the kind of Peeps that would have an hour to spend writing about Marshmallow Peeps because they don’t have a lady. I picked them up on a lonely trip to Giant for apples, broccoli, and yogurt. There are only two Hearts in this package, and their arteries are clogged from all of fried chicken they eat to help themselves sleep at night. If you want to go into an elementary school and give these to your crush, there is a “TO:” and “FROM:” label on the back. I’d like to think I would have won some hearts with these.

So now I am on the prowl again, looking for new and exotic Peeps. I believe I am only missing one flavor (Easter Orange Creme), but there are all kinds of variations to hunt down.

Tonight I have to go see something called the Ailey II Dance Company. Music class is for bitches. Eat some marshmallows.