Archive for January, 2011

French Onion Soup

Posted in food on January 27, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

Hey stupids,

I was snowed in last night and I found a spare three hours to make some onion soup.


The recipe is from The Kitchn, click through. It’s a three-ingredient thing, though, so you may not need a recipe. Chop some onions, carmelize them real good in some butter, boil/simmer with stock, reduce, salt/pepper to taste.

I used yellow onions. I used store-brand canned chicken broth because I didn’t have any homemade stock and it’s cheap. It worked just fine and I saved five cents!

I thought it tasted great. I’ll ashamedly admit that I’ll often buy powdered “French Onion” mix from the grocery store, and it is awful. While it takes a while to make French Onion soup, most of that is inactive time that I can spend watching Doctor Who and picking my nose.

When you are done, you will ooze onion smell out of all of the holes in your body, including your pores and your mouths. Do not bother brushing your teeth. Do not bother washing your butt. Welcome to Smellsville, Population You.

Go now and be great,


Tuesdays With Dorie – Nutty, Chocolatey, Swirly Bundt Cake

Posted in food on January 25, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

It’s 2:30. My cake fell apart and I had to piece it together like a jigsaw puzzle.

Tastes great, but ugly as sin when cut/divided.

Tuesdays With Dorie – Lemon Poppyseed Muffins

Posted in food on January 18, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

These are about what you’d expect – a standard muffin which is made extra good because it’s from scratch and from a Dorie Greenspan recipe, but which was made ugly by ol’ ugly Mike.

But don’t just take my word for it! Ask a robot!

Pretzel-Crust Pizza: Phaze 1

Posted in food on January 13, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

Rachel had an idea: pretzel-crusted pizza. I tell you this not only because she desires credit for the idea, but also because this way I can preemptively shift blame onto her for the result.

I don’t usually blast you with photos on this site, but I figure I’ll give you the blow-by-blow on my first attempt.

kneaded dough

This is the dough. I used my standard pizza dough recipe – water, flour, yeast, a little salt, and a little sugar. I had toyed with the idea of using a specific “pretzel” recipe, but it turns out the ingredients are exactly the same.


Then I let the dough rise. I know, whatever, shut up.


Here’s where things started going south. Like you would with a pretzel recipe, I parboiled the dough in a baking soda solution. However, the doughball was too big and stretched too thin to be easily removed from the boiling pot. It fell apart and got soaked. This is the salvaged, completely non-cohesive dough.

dried dough

I ended up prebaking the dough at a low temperature for a long time to dry it out, and then raising the temperature to give it some pretzely sheen (which never came).


Homemade sauce…


Cheese (mozzarella, parmesan, romano, and asiago – as well as a pinch of colby jack from the dregs of a bag that was otherwise going to get thrown out)

finished pie

And here’s the finished pie. It didn’t photograph well, but the crust actually did come out looking like a soft pretzel.


The final slice. The pizza never really recovered after the parboiling incident. The inside was a bit too soggy, and the outside wasn’t crisp enough. The bottom of the pizza was so soggy that it stuck to the stone. For phaze 2, I’m going to need to find a new way to get prezelly. I believe I’ll try to brush a good amount of the baking-soda-solution onto the already-fully-stretched crust so that I can avoid soggy dough.

The crust could also probably stand a sprinkling of pretzel salt, for authenticity’s sake. But absolutely no yellow mustard, you fools!

Tuesdays With Dorie – Fluff-Filled Chocolate Madelines

Posted in food on January 11, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

These turned out pretty darn well, if I may say so myself. They didn’t exactly shape very well; next set of madelines, I’ll push the dough into the pan instead of just plopping a spoonful in each mold. Never had a madeline before, but I’m going to pretend and imagine that the consistency came out just right.

Tuesdays With Dorie – Midnight Crackles

Posted in food on January 4, 2011 by hoagiefest 2020

My first ovenful of these was pretty hard and pretty inedible. The second time around, I made my cookies bigger and my baking time shorter. Undercooked is definitely better than overcooked in this situation. The cookies in the second load were cakey and good. Would these go in my to-make-again pile? Nope. But I’m sure they’ll find a good home in my work unit tomorrow.

It’s been a god-awful night. I was supposed to go to the gym but I had a contact split in half in my eye. There is still half of it in there. Then I lost my phone for an hour, and I need that thing for TWD photographing and my alarm clock tomorrow. The phone issue is resolved, and hopefully my eye will decide to flush this thing out by tomorrow morning. Peace, jerks.