Arts and Farts and Crafts – Saying Goodbye

Arts and Farts and Crafts is a weekly artistic challenge. Every Thursday, a new prompt will be posted here on Ugly Food for an Ugly Dude. Then, you will create some sort of media based on the prompt. Is it a rhyming couplet? A ten-page story? A photograph? A drawing? A recipe? Whatever you’d like. As long as your piece of art is a new creation and it’s vaguely inspired by the week’s prompt, it’s in!

To enter, post your entry on your blog. Then, e-mail me at with a link to your entry. I will then make a round-up post sharing your art on my website, as well as the requisite linkage.

This week’s theme?

Saying goodbye.

Today is my good friend Nichole’s last day at work.  Will we ever see her again?  I sure hope so.  Without her, Arts and Farts and Crafts is just a lonely ol’ me posting his lonely ol’ stuff.  Also, life will be kind of boring and depressing all-around (even in that strange, mysterious non-Internet world).

Also, here’s this! Not my favorite, but it’ll do as an Arts and Farts and Crafts Rough Draft.
Muppets Saying Goodbye

So my entry for this week has nothing to do with leaving your friends behind…well, not really.

Welcome to your last day on Earth.
It’s been quite a ride, hasn’t it?  I’m sorry to say that it’s almost over.  Was it a good life?  Wait, don’t tell us.  We have to get it in writing.  If you’re not too busy, we’d like you to fill out these survey cards.
What I need for you to do is to read this form.  Check the boxes next to the answers.  “Not at all?”  “To some extent?”  “Very much so?”  “Don’t know?”  So you go through and you answer all of these questions and then you get to move on and enjoy your last day.  I promise.
Mmm hmmm.
Mmmmm hmmm.
All right then.  Now we just have a little bit of paperwork to go over and you can go about your business.
Sign here.
And here.
Sign and date here.
Print your name, please.
And sign here and here.
Hey, don’t cry.  You’re one of the lucky ones.  Some of us have to work customer service.  We’re just about done!  It’s just about over.  Just imagine what it will be like when you walk out this door.  Will there be clouds?  Harps?  Beautiful, naked women?  I can’t tell you.  This is where I stop.  I stop here.  I can’t go on to heaven.  Not yet.
Listen.  You’re going to get a call when you get to heaven.  Maybe in about five days.  They’re going to ask you a series of questions.  Eight questions.  Did you enjoy your life?  What were the best qualities of your life?  What, if anything, would you change?  You know.  Standard quality-control questions.  But here’s the important part.  They’re going to ask you about me.  About how I eased your passage from one world to the other.  They’re going to ask you to rate me on a scale from one to five–one being the worst and five being the best.  Let me give it to you straight.  The ratings system is a little skewed, and here’s what I mean.  If you give me anything from a one to a four, it’s automatically a zero.  A five is the only thing that registers for me.  Can I trust you to do me that one favor?
Good.  Didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.  It’s just very important.
Listen, kid.  You’re going to be great up there.  First of all, there’s no problems.  Sure, I mean, there could be problems.  What do I know?  But I have it on pretty good authority that everything is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows up in heaven.  If not literally, than at least figuratively.  You’re finally going to get that girlfriend you’ve always wanted.  Or boyfriend.  I mean, up in heaven they don’t care about that stuff.  They just want you to be happy.  If it makes you happy to get Tinky Winky all stinky?  Well, it’s not my way, but by-gum if I’m going to stop you.
Okay, okay.  So you don’t have any of those urges.  Then what’s holding you back?  Listen, kid.  This isn’t some cock-and-bull story.  This is the end and the beginning.  Think of your time on earth as a military tour of duty.  Does it suck?  Yes.  Yes, it sucks, but that’s war.  But eventually you’ll get discharged.  Some day you’re going to make it to that golden land, where there’s always somebody to push your prematurely crippled body around in a wheelchair.  Today is that day.  All you need to do is sign here at the “X” and again down below.
Well, it looks like the day is dying.  The sun is setting and so soon will you.  I hope you had a great life, and thank you for spending your time with us today.

I’m pleased to say that we have another entry this week. It’s Clara of IHeartFood4Thought. In last week’s comments, she posted a haiku! Our first Arts and Farts and Crafts poem!

Haiku for Ugly Dude’s Nichole

In good times and bad
Boyz II Men said it the best
Hard to say goodbye

Nichole will probably have an entry this week, and maybe some others. Please spread the word about Arts and Farts and Crafts to any of your artsy, fartsy, crafty friends. The more people that play along, the more motivated I am to keep writing (I’m determined not to let my English degree go to waste).

Next week’s theme is forthcoming.

Entries can be submitted in any medium. The end-date for submissions is Thursday August 7. Be sure to notify me at!

2 Responses to “Arts and Farts and Crafts – Saying Goodbye”

  1. I am ready for the next one. I can compare to your English degree but I think I am pretty witty at haikus. 😉 Bring it!

  2. can = can’t

    (Obviously I just proved it with that sentence. haha)

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