Archive for July, 2008

Poetry

Posted in food on July 31, 2008 by uglydudefood

Here is some poetry I wrote.  This is from college.

Fatty

You spend your days
trapped
by the reflection
in your funhouse glass eye.
You have a problem.


Angles

a slipshod sculpture of poorly-welded and rusty metal
in a case by the door
not on display
but ogled nonetheless
by bespectacled connoisseurs of nothing but their own opinions
who cluck their tongues
and tell you
what is and
what isn’t
artful
while they whittle away their turpentine-saturated existences
watching


Pieces from an Untitled Poem

Scrawl it down on a blue post-
card–“Wish I were here, XO”–
and send it to someone I
don’t know.
?

Until
I’m a ghostwriter with an
inkless ballpoint pen, trying
to scratch out my name again.


[Untitled]

stagnant
staining the floor with my
shadow while everyone else
speeds through their
successesandfailures

still here


Jigsaw

Last night I built a
puzzle with my grand-
ma. We talked about
how usually
she couldn’t remem-
ber her favorite soup,
let alone my name.
But last night was diff-
erent.

Last night I built a
puzzle with my grand-
ma. A repeating
pattern of Disney
characters. And we
talked about how grand-
pa just hasn’t been
the same. About how
he slumps a lot more
now. And she’s right.


Magdalene

I saw you shining,
black and cold like an
oil slick, and I
couldn’t help but want to
rip you to pieces.

So I did.  I found
your insides more
colorful than your
facade, but somehow
coated/covered in more smut/soot.

I know it was wrong,
but at least you made
it seem worthwhile.
You wore off on me,
and I wore off on you.


Future

Bender Ben killed Pissdrunk Pam
And then he killed her yet again
The shallow wound now oozing, cut
By a sword no mightier than a pen
In a little bit Ben had a fit
And tied a striped noose round his neck
They stuck him in a wooden box
And dressed him in his Sunday best
And all his friends, they came to mourn
The dear, departed dude deceased
And one sage lush forlornly sighed
“T’was truly duty killed the beast”


Spew

the dam bursts first when he least expects it
not when he hits it with a sixteen-pound sledge
but he swings that sledge
and shatters the handle more times than he cares to count
his hands are splintered
he spends more and more on sledge after sledge
but still he swings that sledge
until eventually his hands are broken
and eventually his hands are infected
and eventually his hands are removed
and so he stops hammering that dam
and eventually he stops watching it
and eventually the dam bursts
and we’re soaked in that shit


Robot Hand

All wit and wisdom whitewashed by a sea of chattering yellow teeth washing against a wall of gray faces and grayer demeanors
Gazing slack-jawed eyes gaping at a gleaming silver gauntlet seated at the table with a cup of coffee and tomorrow’s Wall Street Journal
The suits sat shocked then walked away while it played a round of rollicking ragtime
Each empty chair begins to opine and each empty head listens and nods at just the right moment
“Right?”  “Right.”  Neither Q nor A is actually paying attention to A or Q
Swallowed by expectations and engulfed in the process of elating itself satisfying itself and killing itself but not necessarily in that order
Nobody knows the trouble they’ve caused because nobody bothered to read their book backward from Z to A


Found

he burned like a roman candle,
superhot behind a trash bin.  then,
like some horrible dream come true
he produced a box cutter
from inside his sock and
stalked forward, irate and rambling,
his spittle staining the back of your neck as he
approached.
that smirk on your face
faded like twilight in November.


Lost

the movies are wrong about stabbings.
you don’t remember pain,
but you remember cold
and later, wet.
the real pain comes with infection,
and even after infection subsides
the pain is going nowhere
fast.


Ring

Everytime I hear a bell I think of you

Everytime they call my number in the take-out line
Ding ding ding, number fifty-nine, General Tso’s?
Yes I’ll smile
Yes I’ll thank you
Yes I’ll take my casket of fried flesh
But no I won’t put my change in your jar

Everytime the door slides open on the D
And restless souls press me against the bars
Some filthy with the stink of the sky
And others gray with the stink of the first
At 50 and 55
And 62 and 71
And 79 when I decide to run the rest of the way

Everytime the chapel peals like an overripe banana
Ringing out a toneless requiem
While four pale men haul dark wood through wrought-iron doors
Aloof and sickeningly out-of-step
In need of a drill sergeant or maybe just a drill

Everytime my alarm goes off in the morning
And then ten minutes later
And then ten minutes later
And then ten minutes later


Coastal

The worst part will be over soon
Staggering by the bay
With my best friend in my hand
Sick Mister wants to wade
Through a sea of needles and cans
I just walk away
With my arm around the moon

Arts and Farts and Crafts – Saying Goodbye

Posted in arts and farts and crafts with tags , , , , , on July 31, 2008 by uglydudefood

Arts and Farts and Crafts is a weekly artistic challenge. Every Thursday, a new prompt will be posted here on Ugly Food for an Ugly Dude. Then, you will create some sort of media based on the prompt. Is it a rhyming couplet? A ten-page story? A photograph? A drawing? A recipe? Whatever you’d like. As long as your piece of art is a new creation and it’s vaguely inspired by the week’s prompt, it’s in!

To enter, post your entry on your blog. Then, e-mail me at MSTrox@gmail.com with a link to your entry. I will then make a round-up post sharing your art on my website, as well as the requisite linkage.

This week’s theme?

Saying goodbye.

Today is my good friend Nichole’s last day at work.  Will we ever see her again?  I sure hope so.  Without her, Arts and Farts and Crafts is just a lonely ol’ me posting his lonely ol’ stuff.  Also, life will be kind of boring and depressing all-around (even in that strange, mysterious non-Internet world).

Also, here’s this! Not my favorite, but it’ll do as an Arts and Farts and Crafts Rough Draft.

http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/83654/muppets_saying_goodbye.swf
Muppets Saying Goodbye

So my entry for this week has nothing to do with leaving your friends behind…well, not really.

Welcome to your last day on Earth.
It’s been quite a ride, hasn’t it?  I’m sorry to say that it’s almost over.  Was it a good life?  Wait, don’t tell us.  We have to get it in writing.  If you’re not too busy, we’d like you to fill out these survey cards.
What I need for you to do is to read this form.  Check the boxes next to the answers.  “Not at all?”  “To some extent?”  “Very much so?”  “Don’t know?”  So you go through and you answer all of these questions and then you get to move on and enjoy your last day.  I promise.
Mmm hmmm.
Mmmmm hmmm.
Good.
All right then.  Now we just have a little bit of paperwork to go over and you can go about your business.
Sign here.
And here.
Sign and date here.
Print your name, please.
And sign here and here.
Hey, don’t cry.  You’re one of the lucky ones.  Some of us have to work customer service.  We’re just about done!  It’s just about over.  Just imagine what it will be like when you walk out this door.  Will there be clouds?  Harps?  Beautiful, naked women?  I can’t tell you.  This is where I stop.  I stop here.  I can’t go on to heaven.  Not yet.
Listen.  You’re going to get a call when you get to heaven.  Maybe in about five days.  They’re going to ask you a series of questions.  Eight questions.  Did you enjoy your life?  What were the best qualities of your life?  What, if anything, would you change?  You know.  Standard quality-control questions.  But here’s the important part.  They’re going to ask you about me.  About how I eased your passage from one world to the other.  They’re going to ask you to rate me on a scale from one to five–one being the worst and five being the best.  Let me give it to you straight.  The ratings system is a little skewed, and here’s what I mean.  If you give me anything from a one to a four, it’s automatically a zero.  A five is the only thing that registers for me.  Can I trust you to do me that one favor?
Good.  Didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.  It’s just very important.
Listen, kid.  You’re going to be great up there.  First of all, there’s no problems.  Sure, I mean, there could be problems.  What do I know?  But I have it on pretty good authority that everything is sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows up in heaven.  If not literally, than at least figuratively.  You’re finally going to get that girlfriend you’ve always wanted.  Or boyfriend.  I mean, up in heaven they don’t care about that stuff.  They just want you to be happy.  If it makes you happy to get Tinky Winky all stinky?  Well, it’s not my way, but by-gum if I’m going to stop you.
Okay, okay.  So you don’t have any of those urges.  Then what’s holding you back?  Listen, kid.  This isn’t some cock-and-bull story.  This is the end and the beginning.  Think of your time on earth as a military tour of duty.  Does it suck?  Yes.  Yes, it sucks, but that’s war.  But eventually you’ll get discharged.  Some day you’re going to make it to that golden land, where there’s always somebody to push your prematurely crippled body around in a wheelchair.  Today is that day.  All you need to do is sign here at the “X” and again down below.
Well, it looks like the day is dying.  The sun is setting and so soon will you.  I hope you had a great life, and thank you for spending your time with us today.


I’m pleased to say that we have another entry this week. It’s Clara of IHeartFood4Thought. In last week’s comments, she posted a haiku! Our first Arts and Farts and Crafts poem!

Haiku for Ugly Dude’s Nichole

In good times and bad
Boyz II Men said it the best
Hard to say goodbye


Nichole will probably have an entry this week, and maybe some others. Please spread the word about Arts and Farts and Crafts to any of your artsy, fartsy, crafty friends. The more people that play along, the more motivated I am to keep writing (I’m determined not to let my English degree go to waste).

Next week’s theme is forthcoming.

Entries can be submitted in any medium. The end-date for submissions is Thursday August 7. Be sure to notify me at MSTrox@gmail.com!

Tuesdays with Dorie – New Car Galette

Posted in baking, food, tuesdays with dorie with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2008 by uglydudefood

Today I finally got my new car–a 2008 Honda Civic Hybrid.  This means a lot of different things to me.  First, I can give my mom back her pimpin’ Astro Van.  Second, I can feel free to drive where I want when I want.  Third, I can finally put the horrifying, traumatic car wreck behind me.

It also means I have an excuse for why my Summer Fruit Galette was such an epic failure. I was tied up until eight last night, you see.

Oh, it tasted okay, I guess.  It’s the little things, though.

The eight peaches recommended by the recipe are far too much for a crust of this size.  Instead of trying to utilize the proper amount, I decided to stuff the galette full of peaches.  As a result…

My crust collapsed as the galette was baking.  This didn’t seem like it would be too much of a problem, considering the fact that my peaches (oh, I used peaches by the way, and some Peach Strawberry Marmalade) weren’t falling out of the pastry at all.  However, I did not take into account that…

The custard used in the next step would not adhere so kindly to the walls of the galette.  It oozed out all over my baking pan and burnt.  Some custard did remain in the galette, and it kind of coagulated into the stable mix that Dorie mentioned in the cookbook.

Here’s the end result, cleaned up.

Here’s the nutrition information (1/12 of recipe).  Not for the faint of heart.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 89.8g
Amount Per Serving
Calories

253
Calories from Fat

142
% Daily Value*
Total Fat

15.8g
24%
Saturated Fat

8.8g
44%
Cholesterol

49mg
16%
Sodium

249mg
10%
Total Carbohydrates

26.4g
9%
Dietary Fiber

1.0g
4%
Sugars

13.4g
Protein

2.6g
Vitamin A 11% Vitamin C 4%
Calcium 2% Iron 5%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation.

Arts and Farts and Crafts – The Wind Beneath My Wings

Posted in arts and farts and crafts, fiction with tags , , , , on July 24, 2008 by uglydudefood

Arts and Farts and Crafts is a weekly artistic challenge. Every Thursday, a new prompt will be posted here on Ugly Food for an Ugly Dude. Then, you will create some sort of media based on the prompt. Is it a rhyming couplet? A ten-page story? A photograph? A drawing? A recipe? Whatever you’d like. As long as your piece of art is a new creation and it’s vaguely inspired by the week’s prompt, it’s in!

To enter, post your entry on your blog. Then, e-mail me at MSTrox@gmail.com with a link to your entry. I will then make a round-up post sharing your art on my website, as well as the requisite linkage.

This week’s theme?

If I hear one more “you are the wind beneath my wings” I’m going to vomit. Literally. All over the floor and hopefully on Miss Suzie’s shoes. She’s a curmudgeon of a woman. 4.’11?, 80, and nosey as hell. I’m hope it has chunks. My vomit. Slouching in my chair I eyeball the happy couple. My best friend and my ex-fiancée together for ever. And their wedding song.

You Had Me From Hello

Said hello came when I finally arranged for my life long best friend to meet my fiancée.

I hope they choke on the wedding cake. Or possibly get a tin can stuck in the wedding car’s exhaust pipe. Karma happens.

I took a bit of a run with it. I don’t actually get to the aforementioned wedding. Or the wedding. And I didn’t actually write a story, but just a dialogue (it’s my playwright roots, I guess). I like making dialogue and the rest of the stuff bores me sometimes.

So think of this as a dialogue-only prequel to the actual prompt. Of all the Arts and Farts and Crafts so far, this one may be the most worth-developing to me.

You Had Me From Hello

Very Hank

“Hello.”
“Hello.”
“How are you?”
“I’m engaged.”
“Oh, congratulations! I’m single. To mingle.”
“I’m also fine, thanks for asking.”
“You’re most welcome. Do you have a ring?”
“Oh, yeah, sure, right here.”
“That’s a nice looking ring. I’m Bruce, by the way.”
“Bruce. Pleasure. I’m Juanita.”
“Juanita? Interesting. You don’t look very…”
“Very…”
“You don’t look very Juanita.”
“Well, I am. I’m not Hispanic, though. The help was named Juanita.”
“Named after the maid.”
“My father insisted.”
“Of course.”
“She was prettier than my mom.”
BEAT
“So where’s…Mr. Juanita?”
“Over there. That’s Hank.”
“Oh. Hank. He looks very Hank.”
“He is. He is very Hank.”
“Oh…that’s a shame. I’m sorry to hear that..”
“It’s okay most of the time.”
“Oh, yeah, no, I’m sure.”
“I’m not interested, though, Bruce.”
“I’m just giving this my best shot.”
“My plate’s already full.”
“Well, there’s always room for some meat on the side.”
*eye roll*
“Dessert? I wasn’t sure what was the better line.”
“I’m already cheating on Hank. With his best friend, actually.”
“His best friend.”
“Rudolph.”
“Rudolph.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“Rudolph. Rudolph. Big red nose? And…?” *gestures antlers*
“You’re very funny, Bruce. Bye.”

The Wind

“Hello?”
“Hello.”
“How was your day?”
“Oh, you know. Pretty good. Yours?”
“What did you do today?”
“Well, same-old, really. Stapled some letters. Mailed some letters. Opened some letters.”
“No kidding.”
“It’s the circle of life and it moves us all. How was yours?”
“Hank.”
“What’s up?”
“Hank.”
“Yeah?”
“We need to talk.”
“You know I’m always here to talk.”
“Are you going to talk or are you just going to sit there an say ‘uh-huh?'”
“Is that what I usually do?”
“Yes.”
“Then that is probably what I’ll do now.”
“Good. I don’t want you to say anything anyway.”
“Then it’s settled. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
BEAT
“So go on. Talk at me.”
“I think it’s time we went different ways.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m just…we’re just not happy, are we?”
“Well.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I saw it coming anyway.”
“What? No you didn’t. When?”
“Well, probably around the time you started sleeping with Rudolph.”
“No! I wouldn’t do…don’t be paranoid.”
“No, he told me.”
“When?”
“The first time you did it. He felt pretty bad about it.”
“That was two years ago!”
“Yeah, it sure was.”
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“You were happier.”
“What kind of person doesn’t-”
“Well, you know.”
“Is there anything more to say?”
“I’m keeping the Muppets on Ice tickets.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Hank. Bye.”

So there’s that.

Nichole finally has her own blog, so she can post her own stories!  Here’s an excerpt of her piece:

But apparently not for some time for me. In my peripherals I see Wes sidling closer to me avoiding Miss Suzie’s pink taffeta monstrosity of a dress – no small feat. I try to edge away in the opposite direction only to trip on a bowling pin left over from some poor attempt of a dance ice breaker. I watch in a disinterested sort of way as the ballroom floor rushes up to catch me. I mid flight I feel a jerk and with a numb terror realize Wes had attempted to catch me by yanking on the purely decorative swash of fabric draped over one hip. A rip…and I was on the floor, dress less.

Next week’s theme, as selected by me:

Saying goodbye

Let’s honor my friend Nichole’s exit from our workplace by writing stories about saying goodbye (ps this will be significantly less fun if nobody else participates :-p)

Entries can be submitted in any medium. The end-date for submissions is Thursday July 31. Be sure to notify me at MSTrox@gmail.com!

Tuesdays with Dorie – Cherry Something Cobbler

Posted in baking, food, tuesdays with dorie with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2008 by uglydudefood

cobbled

The comment turn-out was huge for my last TWD entry.  Maybe if I make stuff explode every time, people will continue to love me.  I just got back from a five-day vacation, so I have a lot of reading to do.  I’ll be meme-ing and reading your blogs in the near future.  At any rate, I should fail more often!  At least I know people will read what I write!

This week’s recipe was Cherry Rhubarb Cobbler.  I was super pumped, because I love fruit; I love cobbler; and I’ve not yet had a chance to taste rhubarb.  Looks like I’d have to wait a little longer for my last dream to come true.  I walked to the spot in my grocery store that I KNEW had rhubarb the other day, and it was all gone.  Same in all the other grocery stores.  No rhubarb!?  What if I wanted to throw a late-summer rhubarbeque?

Dorie sez: “The biscuit topping is a great crown for almost any kind of cobbler or crisp.”

Emboldened by the words of the second-most-powerful Greenspan in the world, I decided to replace the rhubarb with Granny Smith apples, which I happened to have sitting around.  12 oz. of peeled, cored Granny Smiths replaced the directed 12 oz. of rhubarb.

I made the filling according to recipe.  I made the topping according to recipe.  Everything really, truly was going swimmingly.  And boringly.  How was I supposed to draw the readers back into my ugly website?  I’d have to create a ruckus.

So I punched my sister in the head

cobblerAfter that?  Well, the cobbler tasted fantastic.  And despite the fact that I am in my mid-twenties, I was grounded for three months.

By the way, I made another batch of last week’s Chocolate Pudding over the weekend.  I replaced the whole milk with 2% (just because it was handy).  Excepting the leaky food processor, nary a mess was made and it was a huge hit with my family.

For 1/12 of the recipe:

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 108.8g
Amount Per Serving
Calories

206
Calories from Fat

57
% Daily Value*
Total Fat

6.3g
10%
Saturated Fat

3.8g
19%
Cholesterol

16mg
5%
Sodium

151mg
6%
Total Carbohydrates

35.7g
12%
Dietary Fiber

1.3g
5%
Sugars

11.2g
Protein

2.2g
Vitamin A 6% Vitamin C 4%
Calcium 6% Iron 5%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation.

Laser Meme

Posted in food on July 21, 2008 by uglydudefood

This is a very special moment in my blogsistence.  I’ve been tagged in a meme!  A MEME!  A meme for me.

My very close, personal friend MacDuff (hey, it’s not every day somebody memes you for a meme!) memed me, saying, “I like to think [Ugly Food for an Ugly Dude] is George Clooney’s personal blog, because George seems like a baker.”

Sorry to disappoint you, MacDuff, but “Despair thy charm; and let the angel whom thou still hast served tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb untimely ripp’d.”  I don’t know what this quote has to do with the following picture of somebody who is, most assuredly, not George Clooney.

honk honk

Honk if you like poopie, indeed!

Well, MacDuff, I bear a charmed life, which must not yield to one of woman memed. As such, here is my memed meme which I will meme to many others.

1. Link to the person who “tagged” you. MacDuff!
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself. Just you wait, Internetty blog!
4. Tag six people at the end of your post. I’m actually tagging seven.  Not a one of them will reblog this.
5. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.  BOMBS AWAY, MACDUFF!

  1. My perfect vacation:  no work, at home, all alone, watching DVDs, eating what I want.
  2. I listen to either the Food Network or the “90’s” music channel on my digital cable when I go to bed.
  3. Today I rocked out to “Sweet Talkin’ Woman” by Electric Light Orchestra and “Peace Train” by Cat Stevens.
  4. Until the age of twelve, I kept a card catalog of various Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers characters.  I updated it daily, every time I saw a new episode.
  5. This is the most recent entry in my stream-of-consciousness personal journal/composition book:  “Is it weird that I had the most genuine human interaction I’ve had in a long time with the Starbucks girl?  Sure, I didn’t need the 250 calories from the new Orange Mango Banana Vivanno, but she sold it.  I asked her and I totally cared what she thought!  Today I faced the same temptation as yesterday with the sticky buns.  I didn’t eat one, but for some reason I wanted to in spite of their inborn suckiness.  I must just want to stuff my mouth (which I did at our lunch party, and again with this smoothie).  Writing at Starbucks.  I’m one step closer to a walking, talking cliche.”
  6. A random entry from my writing/idea book:  “You’re never fully dressed without a pants.” (undated)

So there’s an insight into my psyche.  I’m sleepy.  Good evening.

Nichole at Stained Glass
Derek at The Magical Monkeyshines of Baron Von TrundleBed
Brian at Sabotage!/Review the World
Chris at The 3MTE Existentialist
Kate at Hey Kate!
Conor at Conor Schaefer
Joli at Exuberance is Beauty

Arts and Farts and Crafts: Stealing People

Posted in arts and farts and crafts, fiction, movies with tags , , , , on July 17, 2008 by uglydudefood

Arts and Farts and Crafts is a weekly artistic challenge. Every Thursday, a new prompt will be posted here on Ugly Food for an Ugly Dude. Then, you will create some sort of media based on the prompt. Is it a rhyming couplet? A ten-page story? A photograph? A drawing? A recipe? Whatever you’d like. As long as your piece of art is a new creation and it’s vaguely inspired by the week’s prompt, it’s in!

To enter, post your entry on your blog. Then, e-mail me at MSTrox@gmail.com with a link to your entry. I will then make a round-up post sharing your art on my website, as well as the requisite linkage.

This week’s theme?

Use a character (or characters) from a preexisting work of fiction.

Like all of my ideas, I didn’t actually sit around and think it up. For some strange reason, Lando Calrissian being sent to the high school guidance counselor actually popped into my head during the week. I’m not sure how “quality” this entry is. I wrote it quick (and I was so overwhelmed by the response to my pudding post that I spent a lot of time reading other people’s entries and trying to comment. I’m still not caught up in that regard. Anyway, here’s my lame and weird entry.

You’re A Good Man, Lando Calrissian

You’re young, handsome and debonair. You have an innate fashion sense. I like you. I really do. You show so much promise. That’s why I called you into my office today.

You’re throwing your life away, Lando Calrissian. You hang out with the bad crowds. You know the types. The ones who think they’re so strapping in their beat-up white shirts and black vests. Space pirates. The dregs of society. You always wanted something more out of life. You wanted to be a lawyer. You wanted to go into politics. Those dreams will disappear in a flurry of Sabbacc and blaster fire.

Do you really want to be a card player? Gambler? Scoundrel?

I believe in you. You could do great things. You could become a governor! A senator! Baron administrator of any city you desire! Instead, you’re going to end up a corpse in the depths of Coruscant. A lifeless corpse. I should know. I’m a guidance counselor.

All you have to do is take the fist step. Better your situation. Get into the Imperial Academy. Then, after that’s taken care of, worry about going to grad school; taking your LSATS. You have the knowledge and charisma to win at whatever you do, but if all you want to do is spice and death sticks…I’m sorry for getting choked up, but it’s just so disappointing to see great promise go to waste.

Don’t even worry so much about the LSATS at this point. Baby steps, Mr. Calrissian. I can tell you’ve been losing sleep, and frankly I have too. Go on the straight and narrow. You’ll be able to stop worrying so much. You still have a chance. You will still have a future, unless your planet is destroyed by global warming or a Death Star.

To get to sleep, my grandmother used to go through the senate supreme chancellors in her head. Took her mind off other things, activated the memory instead of the active brain, etc. She could do it chronologically, reverse-chronologically, alphabetically, and reverse-alphabetically. If that didn’t work, she moved on to the grand moffs (who presumably bored her to sleep).

I guess what I’m saying is, if your mind is racing, get it racing to something inconsequential and boring. That’s why counting banthas works, at any rate.

Also, what I’m saying is that Darth Vader will blow up your planet and eat your children.

Nichole also went the movie route, and I’m sure you’ll be able to tell what “character” she utilized. Here’s what she had to say: “Complete and utter crap. A character from Indiana Jones. Let me know if you can tell who. Did I mention that this was crap. Trash it, right away!” Sounds like she wants her entry on the Internet to me!

Hand-made from a small tannery in Louisiana. The best. Never faltering, always crackling. With energy.

The sound. *CRAAACCK* My one small pleasure.

This what I am. I was created to snap sharply, splitting air. To herd. To encourage submission of all wild beasts. Especially horses.

But this man. This odd, peculiar, chameleon is different. Asking not to submit great beasts (as small as I might be I am excellent at this), but to warn away those who would destroy the powerless. A Sidewinder, a rattler.

We threaten, guide, and then escape, evading short puffs of iron. A death defying waltz. Tap. Tap.

When I was created I expected my destiny to encourage great post carriages carrying vast treasures across the once great plains.

Instead, I sat unused, unacknowledged for years. Until one boy brought my destiny.

One boy that changed it all.

I have been to the end and back of this flat world. Pyramids. God. Aliens. Great treasures to tempt the saintly and knowledge to corrupt the incorruptible. He is neither. A scholar. And I have no desire to turn on him (as all eventually do). A weapon that is not…admiring a man dying from the disease of humanity. Then what will I be? What is left of old wrapped leather? A threat. A warning. Fading away in this world of machines.

Forgetting once that I was crafted by hand to become a conqueror. And yet I guide instead.

Next week’s theme is as follows:

If I hear one more “you are the wind beneath my wings” I’m going to vomit. Literally. All over the floor and hopefully on Miss Suzie’s shoes. She’s a curmudgeon of a woman. 4.’11”, 80, and nosey as hell. I’m hope it has chunks. My vomit. Slouching in my chair I eyeball the happy couple. My best friend and my ex-fiancée together for ever. And their wedding song.

You Had Me From Hello.

Said hello came when I finally arranged for my life long best friend to meet my fiancée.

I hope they choke on the wedding cake. Or possibly get a tin can stuck in the wedding car’s exhaust pipe. Karma happens.

Entries can be submitted in any medium. The end-date for submissions is Thursday July 24. Be sure to notify me at MSTrox@gmail.com!